You don’t have to fill these silences with idiotic, patronizing, sympathetic small talk. Seriously, shut up. I’m so tired of listening to the sound of your voice I could crap my pants and be happier. Why do so many people hate silence? If I’m sitting quietly, working; it does not mean I am bored, lonely, upset or desperately longing for human interaction. It means I am sitting quietly, working, hoping beyond hope to be left alone. Some people need their coffee in the morning, others their breakfast; I need three hours of not being asked if I’m feeling okay because I’m being so quiet. But noooooo, people come with their questions and their comments and their stupid little thoughts that probably wouldn’t make a blip on a CAT scan. Shut up. Sometimes it’s okay to just be quiet. Don’t we spend enough time being bombarded by noise? Remember silence is golden, and your face will be crimson if you don’t stop talking to me!
Speaking of word vomit, can anyone here explain to me how a conversation about the weather gets derailed so badly that it ends talking about anal caesarian section? I simply stated: “It’s hot out there.” Absently in a way that really means, I don’t want to talk to you, but I have to. The conversation went on to cover the heat and then this psycho old lady starts telling me about how she can’t get her kids to stop having grand babies. Apparently the Fourth of July is really hard on grandmas? According to her, it is. When did we start giving out gifts on Independence Day? She had a solution to solve this problem though, spay and neuter her children. I guess her only problem now is getting them all to the vet. Everyone, this is an actual conversation. Well, less conversation and more her talking at me while I try desperately to not laugh. Not the first chat I’ve had with her either. Once before she decided to inform me she was on the way to the hospital to have surgery. Apparently she had major complications from child birth. These complications have haunted her well into her sixties? Don’t worry she told me the complication. According to old crazy pants, the doctor was forced to remove her son via her rectum. Take a moment to read that again and soak in all the crazy. Done? Yeah, there is absolutely NO situation where a doctor would take that route to remove a child from its mother. Furthermore, why, why, why god why, are you telling me this?