Thursday, February 17, 2011

Zen and the Art of Rambling

I sat down to think about this weeks post, but nothing came to mind. However, my desire to consistently post; so not to leave the blog barren and sad face, as in the past, pushed me forward to this point. At this moment I have yet to gel on one particular idea. Sometimes my mind is jumping off so many cliffs I don’t know whether to hold my breath, protect my face or shit my pants. If someone paid people to daydream I’d be Bill Gates, without the glasses and unoriginal OS. Alas my dreams are prisoners to my mind, unless you all possess Inception capabilities. Now there was a good movie I hope to high hell they don’t make a sequel to. I’m tired of terrible, unnecessary sequels. Doesn’t anyone in Hollywood have anything original to say? How hard is it to just not copy everybody else? Here, just off the top of my head:

Two guys suddenly find themselves walking through the desert wearing women’s clothing. They don’t know each other and have no idea how they got there or even who they are. Soon they come upon an oasis and living in that oasis is an old woman who trades them some men’s cloths for the women’s cloths and predicts their futures. She says one of them will live and remember everything; the other will die. They both think this is utter bullshit until they find a coffin hidden at the bottom of the oasis lake and inside it, pictures of one of them with people he doesn’t remember. The man in the pictures looks very happy. They assume the man whose pictures are in the coffin will be the one to die. They search the oasis for more artifacts but find none. Soon they run out of food and return to the old woman only to see she has turned into a lion who wants to eat them. Insert five-minuet chase scene.

The old woman lion catches them both because they were too stupid to spit up and tells them, still as a lion, that she will eat one and spare the other. The man whose pictures were in the coffin steps forward to accept his fate. But the other man, who still has no memory of his past life, reflects on the pictures they found of the other man. He puts himself forward to be eaten, so the other man might find his happy family again. Just as the lion goes to take the first huge bite out of the man’s ass, a helicopter moves over a sand dune and a sharp shooter takes down the lion. The men are saved until they realize the crew of the helicopter is after them, not the lion. The men are taken to a strange compound and raped mercilessly. Just before one of them dies, he looks at the other and says "I remember..."

Well you get the idea; it’s not that hard to come up with original ideas. I’d watch that movie, as long as the writer was able to conjugate an ending that tied all that crazy shit into a nice little bow and spoon-fed it to me so my Neanderthal mind would understand. How hard could that be? Speaking of hard… salami sandwiches, I haven’t had one of those in a long time. Which obviously brings me to that sham of a theory called time. I mean seriously, what bull. But go ahead and keep living in your little dream world where the sun comes up because it's time too, not because your pathetic little spot on the earth rotated to face it. So, this seems like enough for now. Remember, if life gives you lemon-lime Gatorade, combine it with some antifreeze and you have the perfectly disguised poison for your enemies.

Dump, out.

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