Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Night at the Museum 2 and Moon

Do you hear that screaming? That's the sound of the one guy in Hollywood who said it would be a bad idea to make a sequel to the fantastic Night at the Museum. Every sequel like this makes me cry a little. Apparently the first movie was based off a children's book by Milan Trenc. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian is not based off a book and it shows. It sprang forth from the great minds of the movie industry trying to find more ways to suck the American wanker until it spews a huge load of money all over them. Judging by the film's weekend numbers, they achieved their goal.

If you don't care about my views on this movie, at least watch the Moon trailer at the end of the post.

*Spoiler Warning* (If you can spoil a movie like this?)

If you've seen the first film you know the drill. An ancient Egyptian tablet makes the whole museum come to life at night. Ben Stiller returns as Larry Daley in the second movie. Since the last movie he has quit as night guard at the Museum of Natural History in New York and started an As Seen On TV company selling his many terrible inventions. To a make a ridiculous story short, the tablet is moved to the Smithsonian by accident and he must go retrieve it.

When he gets to the Smithsonian he finds the tablet in the hands of the villain Kahmunrah (Hank Azaria) who is determined to use the tablet to open a gate to the underworld and take over our world. All of this is really far fetched, even for a movie where Egyptian relics bring wax figures to life! Kahmunrah is also the most annoying character I have seen on screen for a while. Every time he came on screen I wanted to tear out my ear because of his terrible lisp. At one point wax figure Oscar the Grouch and Darth Vader come to join the fight. My biggest complaint of the whole film is that Vader's force choke doesn't work and Kahmunrah simply turns them away. I would have loved to see Vader choke the lisp out of that little A-hole.

Also, Ben Stiller makes out with wax figure Amelia Earhart (Amy Adams). While common sense says there is no way they end up together, my mind had to wonder. What if they did get together? Do the wax figures become fully human or are they still wax inside? Would it have been possible to pork wax Amelia or would Stiller undress her only to find a blank Barbie like crotch? This is where my mind goes when a movie slightly bores me.

As in all good movies, huge stone Lincoln Memorial Statue comes, smashes through a stain glass window and saves the day. Then Amelia flies Larry and the tablet back to New York where everything gets neatly tied up. Did no one in Washington notice the huge mess left from the battle at the Smithsonian? (see what I did there ;) At least in the first film when there is a mess after the nights events, Larry has to clean it up and he gets in trouble. He should go to jail for breaking into the national archives and letting a giant, fake, wax squid into the Reflecting Pool at the Washington Monument. And I'm not even going to get into historical accuracy (General Custer) because it may just send me into convulsions.

So, kids will undoubtedly love the movie and as much as I complain, it was way better then lots of other movies I've seen recently (Paul Blart: Mall Cop!). But why did there need to be a sequel? Why? This is my problem will all Hollywood these days. Sometimes they should just leave some movies alone, they don't need more installments. (Indiana Jones!) But money rules the world, I guess I should have realized this by now.


I saw this preview a while ago and really haven't heard much about it since. This is one of the few movies I'm really excited for. Unfortunately it looks to be low budget and therefore will never make it to a theatre near me. If you like science fiction, or great movies, I suggest watching this trailer. If you know a theatre that is going to show this, please let me know where!


  1. Wow, you used the words wanker and pork... I'm not sure I know what to say about this. Also, you are such a critical individual, I do not, however, have anything to make fun of on this, "blog", tehe... blog. Anyway, you and your lovely wife need to find something better to do than watch movies made for children.
    ~Your Loving Sister

  2. I actually liked Smithsonian (Amy Adams was charming the rest was 'meh') but I HATED the first Night at the Museum movie so that's not saying much tha they managed to top it with the sequel.