Yeah, we didn’t watch any movies this weekend; cry more. We did watch an all day Marathon of Dual Survival on Discovery channel. If you've never seen it go watch it; it's unintentionally funny, which is the best kind. I also did battle with a monstrous beast.
Rewind a bit. We’ve been living in our little house for a few years now. It’s a nice house, perfect for a young couple without kids. It has its quarks just like any other house. There is one thing that has always irritated me about it though, the yard. I hate to mow grass. If it were socially acceptable I’d let nature reclaim it. Alas my neighbors would be pissed if I just quit mowing it all together. I’ve also thought about field turf and concrete painted green. It just doesn’t make any sense. Who decided lawns were cool? My father-in-law’s lawn makes me want to barf it is so perfect. Anyways, I am forced to battle my lawn every summer. This battle is made more difficult by the gopher that has taken up residence beneath my grass. Every time the yard starts looking better, he digs it up again. I’d never seen him until yesterday…
So yeah, back in college, before I lost all faith in humanity, I liked to make short movies. I started experimenting with the Light Saber effect they use in Star Wars. It’s pretty easy if you have time and Photoshop. Before filming could start I needed a prop to use as the base for the saber. So I went to the hardware store and rigged up a ¾ inch wooden dowel rod with a handle made from some plastic pipe fitting. The idea is to film the scenes and then go in with Photoshop and paint over the wooden rods with the light saber effect. Needless to say that part never happened. So now the dowel sabers just sit in my house, by the door, because I like to take them outside occasionally and mock fight; by myself. Go ahead and take time to laugh at me.
That seems like a pretty random thing to tell you right? Listen people, good story telling is all about painting a prefect picture for your readers. Without knowledge of my hatred for my lawn or my wooden light sabers you’d never understand what happened next. Mom came over for lunch. We ate in the living room. After we finished I gathered some plates and took them to the kitchen. As I dropped them into the sink I saw it out the window, in the yard; the gopher. Here was my chance to scare the crap out of that animal so it would never come back. So it would never again destroy the yard I care so little about. So what did I do? Lost my mind.
It all seemed very reasonable at the time. The creature was walking away so I had no time for shoes; I opted for flip flops instead. As I dashed out the door I noticed the old wooden dowel saber sitting, forgotten; it called to me for action. So I snatched it up and ran outside. Neither my Wife nor my Mother had any idea what I was doing. I dashed into the yard waving the saber above my head. Then I yelled at the gopher; such a battle cry has not been heard in centuries “Hey! Get outta my yard gopher!” It stopped and turned to face me. As I approached I realized the beast was not going to running away so I flung the wooden saber through the air in an attempt to scare it. I missed horribly and came out of my flip flops. I barely caught myself from falling down. Now I faced the gopher. We stood locked in an icy stair for an eternity. I gathered my flip flops and made a move for the saber. The gopher, to my surprise, counter moved to block me from the saber. It stood up on its back legs to seem more threatening. At a foot tall this seemed a little ridiculous, but when I moved for the saber again it made some sort of sound and rose up even further. I was intimidated.
I realized I was being demoralized by a gopher. So I went for the saber again. As I did the gopher charged! I grabbed up the saber and swiped down in the direction of the animal. It dodged the blade and retook its upright stance. Saber in had I commanded the foul beast to be gone. I defied me and made that noise again. Not so much a growl as a click. I took a step towards it and it charged again! For a second time I swung the saber down at the gopher and for a second time it evaded my strike and forced me to give ground. It was about this time that my Mother and Wife came outside to look at our flowers. My stand off with the gopher continued as they both came to watch and ask what I was doing. When I stated I was battling this fierce beast, they both laughed. The gopher knew it had won and retreated into the woods by my house, victorious. I am filled with a shame only Bill Murray could understand.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Topics for Discussion
And the name for the new Nintendo system is… Wii U? Yeah. They haven’t announced any tuition prices yet, but there will be a baseball team and a fight club. I’m hoping to get in with a track scholarship when they release Mario and Sonic at the London Olympic Games 2012. EA will probably port NCAA Football 2012 over to it, so at least Terrell Pryor will be able to finish out college somewhere. Maybe he can trade something for admission to Wii U. I bet we can even rip off Miami of Florida’s stupid “the U!” chant. I didn’t think they’d find a stupider name than Wii; I was wrong. Maybe I’m being harsh; perhaps it is unfair to judge something by name alone. There are plenty of things with dumb names that were able to overcome the adversity of said idiotic name; isn’t that right Anthony Weiner?
The Wife and I are going to the zoo tomorrow to watch all the ferocious beasts wonder about aimlessly, drooling over their food. With any luck we will see some actual wild animals too. I hate crowds. Get enough people together in one place and they all lose their minds. They all act like they are wondering alone in the desert; the desert effect. I’m just not much for getting bumped by the sweaty, hairy fat guy wearing a tank top. Tank tops are not for everyone; same goes for tube tops, mini skirts, flip flops, leggings, jeggings and tight cloths in general. I do love the irony of the zoo. Thousands of idiots meandering around sucking down ice cream and lard (getting fatter and fatter) watching animals that only eat for survival. Animals that could and would and maybe should tear those fatties to pieces. Some people say our progress as a civilization has allowed us to act this way. But what ever happened to survival of the fittest? Oh that’s right, socialism.
The new Jim Carry movie Mr. Poppers Penguins makes me want to vomit. So does that Collin Ferrell movie where he is a vampire. I’m so tired of vampires. None of these trailers are more annoying than “Never forget where you came from!!!” That’s not the name of the movie, but it’s the only part that really sticks with me. Apparently Colombiana (how do you pronounce that?) is about Uhura wanting to avenge the death of her parents. Never forget where you came from!!! It looks like along the way she’s going to hook up with that guy from Alias who seems to be playing a CIA agent, again. At some point she gets all sad about how “I watched as my parents were murdered right in front of me!” well cry more noob, Mr. Spock’s entire civilization was murdered in front of him and he barely shed a tear. Never forget where you came from!!! I bet he never forgot where he came from either; he didn’t seem to need it constantly screamed in his ear as a reminder. The intensity of the film looks only to be surpassed by the cheesiness of its dialog. Never forget where you came from!!! If you don’t get it, go watch the trailer here.
The Wife and I are going to the zoo tomorrow to watch all the ferocious beasts wonder about aimlessly, drooling over their food. With any luck we will see some actual wild animals too. I hate crowds. Get enough people together in one place and they all lose their minds. They all act like they are wondering alone in the desert; the desert effect. I’m just not much for getting bumped by the sweaty, hairy fat guy wearing a tank top. Tank tops are not for everyone; same goes for tube tops, mini skirts, flip flops, leggings, jeggings and tight cloths in general. I do love the irony of the zoo. Thousands of idiots meandering around sucking down ice cream and lard (getting fatter and fatter) watching animals that only eat for survival. Animals that could and would and maybe should tear those fatties to pieces. Some people say our progress as a civilization has allowed us to act this way. But what ever happened to survival of the fittest? Oh that’s right, socialism.
The new Jim Carry movie Mr. Poppers Penguins makes me want to vomit. So does that Collin Ferrell movie where he is a vampire. I’m so tired of vampires. None of these trailers are more annoying than “Never forget where you came from!!!” That’s not the name of the movie, but it’s the only part that really sticks with me. Apparently Colombiana (how do you pronounce that?) is about Uhura wanting to avenge the death of her parents. Never forget where you came from!!! It looks like along the way she’s going to hook up with that guy from Alias who seems to be playing a CIA agent, again. At some point she gets all sad about how “I watched as my parents were murdered right in front of me!” well cry more noob, Mr. Spock’s entire civilization was murdered in front of him and he barely shed a tear. Never forget where you came from!!! I bet he never forgot where he came from either; he didn’t seem to need it constantly screamed in his ear as a reminder. The intensity of the film looks only to be surpassed by the cheesiness of its dialog. Never forget where you came from!!! If you don’t get it, go watch the trailer here.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Review: X-Men First Class
The Wife: Oh Magneto, you are totally winning. The best character of the X-Men franchise...and finally we got to see a film focused on you. Since hollywood decided to obsess over Wolverine (and assassinate the Cyclops character and Cyclops-Jean Grey romance to pander to you...ugghhhh!), we never got the Magneto Origins movie, but X-Men First Class settles as the next best thing. Michael Fassbender played Magneto perfectly. I always imagined that Magneto would be hot in that rebellious, bad boy type as a younger dude and well, this movie showed that! Seeing Magneto's story and getting more insight into the character was awesome. My inner-fan girl loved it!
I also loved the development and depth of the other characters. James McAvoy played Professor X very well. I enjoyed watching the Professor X/Magneto friendship build, and even though I figured that the pair would go their separate ways at the film's end, it was still nice to watch. The other acting (Kevin Bacon aside...scroll down for Hobo Dan's review of this) was really great! The characters and how I felt for them was much better than the first three films. I loved the friendships and the action was great. Some films like to just have action to appease the uber nerds, but it is nice to have action broken up with decent acting/emotional depth scenes.
Of course, this movie took liberties from the comic books (which the first three did as well), but that is to be expected in movies. The liberties in this one didn't irritate me as much as the first three Wolverine...oops I mean X-Men films...nor did it irritate me like when Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban ruined a scene/plot point involving a Fire Bolt broom. Ok ok ok we are treading deeply in nerd territory, back to X-Men First Class (haha!) — a great, fun, action movie that blew the first three X-Men films, and that awful Wolverine movie where they decided to bring in Gambit but instead all I see is Tim Riggins of FNL, out of the water! Of course this movie wasn't the best super-hero-comic movie I've ever seen, but it was the perfect "popcorn and fun" film to see on a Friday night. Not to mention, Hugh Jackman does have an amazing cameo!
I hope that they decide to go on full re-boot with the franchise. Oh and what is your team? Team Magneto/Brotherhood all the way!
Hobo Dan: Oh Kevin Bacon, where the hell have you been? Sucking in low budget independent films? The last time I enjoyed seeing you was in that Logitech web TV commercial where you made fun of yourself. In a film with a few cheesy moments you have brought the full Limburger. Normally aging men have receding hairs lines; you have a receding nose line. Seriously, you better get that checked out Mr. Bacon, before you end up like Michael Jackson; no I don’t mean dead. It’s pretty sad that you’re best acting in this movie was when you were speaking German and that’s only because German sounds terrible no matter who is speaking it. No wonder they didn’t put you in any of the trailers. Can we play six degrees of Kevin Bacon backwards to get away from you?
X-Men first class? Yes, a fine film. The best of the X-Men movies if you ask me. Why when I try to spell X-Men does my spell check hate it? It gives it the evil red line and suggests I wanted to spell semen or seamen. Nay spell check, nay. Speaking of horses... Oh, never mind. As I was saying, this was a fun little romp. It's nowhere close to The Dark Knight, but what is really? What it is, is fun and enjoyable. The characters are likable and well acted, save Kevin Bacon. The plot is a little out there, but I guess I can believe Kevin Bacon was behind the Cuban Missile Crisis. I mean I feel like starting an international incident after seeing his acting. And that's really what it comes down to for me. Every time Xavier and Erik (Professor X and Magneto) are on screen the film is great. I thought it would be hard for the actors to step out of the shadows of Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen but they pulled it off wonderfully. Then Kevin Bacon came on screen and was all footloose and fancy-free. But heaven help us they killed him, so the next movie is free to have a good actor portray the villain and all will be good. Oh yeah, whine more that I spoiled it, like you didn't know the good guys would win.
The Wife has decreed that I choose a team, sorry dear, I choose team X-Men.
I also loved the development and depth of the other characters. James McAvoy played Professor X very well. I enjoyed watching the Professor X/Magneto friendship build, and even though I figured that the pair would go their separate ways at the film's end, it was still nice to watch. The other acting (Kevin Bacon aside...scroll down for Hobo Dan's review of this) was really great! The characters and how I felt for them was much better than the first three films. I loved the friendships and the action was great. Some films like to just have action to appease the uber nerds, but it is nice to have action broken up with decent acting/emotional depth scenes.
Of course, this movie took liberties from the comic books (which the first three did as well), but that is to be expected in movies. The liberties in this one didn't irritate me as much as the first three Wolverine...oops I mean X-Men films...nor did it irritate me like when Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban ruined a scene/plot point involving a Fire Bolt broom. Ok ok ok we are treading deeply in nerd territory, back to X-Men First Class (haha!) — a great, fun, action movie that blew the first three X-Men films, and that awful Wolverine movie where they decided to bring in Gambit but instead all I see is Tim Riggins of FNL, out of the water! Of course this movie wasn't the best super-hero-comic movie I've ever seen, but it was the perfect "popcorn and fun" film to see on a Friday night. Not to mention, Hugh Jackman does have an amazing cameo!
I hope that they decide to go on full re-boot with the franchise. Oh and what is your team? Team Magneto/Brotherhood all the way!
Hobo Dan: Oh Kevin Bacon, where the hell have you been? Sucking in low budget independent films? The last time I enjoyed seeing you was in that Logitech web TV commercial where you made fun of yourself. In a film with a few cheesy moments you have brought the full Limburger. Normally aging men have receding hairs lines; you have a receding nose line. Seriously, you better get that checked out Mr. Bacon, before you end up like Michael Jackson; no I don’t mean dead. It’s pretty sad that you’re best acting in this movie was when you were speaking German and that’s only because German sounds terrible no matter who is speaking it. No wonder they didn’t put you in any of the trailers. Can we play six degrees of Kevin Bacon backwards to get away from you?
X-Men first class? Yes, a fine film. The best of the X-Men movies if you ask me. Why when I try to spell X-Men does my spell check hate it? It gives it the evil red line and suggests I wanted to spell semen or seamen. Nay spell check, nay. Speaking of horses... Oh, never mind. As I was saying, this was a fun little romp. It's nowhere close to The Dark Knight, but what is really? What it is, is fun and enjoyable. The characters are likable and well acted, save Kevin Bacon. The plot is a little out there, but I guess I can believe Kevin Bacon was behind the Cuban Missile Crisis. I mean I feel like starting an international incident after seeing his acting. And that's really what it comes down to for me. Every time Xavier and Erik (Professor X and Magneto) are on screen the film is great. I thought it would be hard for the actors to step out of the shadows of Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen but they pulled it off wonderfully. Then Kevin Bacon came on screen and was all footloose and fancy-free. But heaven help us they killed him, so the next movie is free to have a good actor portray the villain and all will be good. Oh yeah, whine more that I spoiled it, like you didn't know the good guys would win.
The Wife has decreed that I choose a team, sorry dear, I choose team X-Men.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
E3 2011: Impending Doom
Earthquakes are pummeling the world. Tsunamis rage across our seas. That volcano in Iceland with a really long and stupid name too ridiculous to try and spell is preparing for eruption. The zombies are marching. Were the Mayans right? Is this the end? Fire and brimstone, plague and swarm, dogs and cats living together in harmony! The end is near! But who cares, E3 is this week; am I right? If the world really is going to end next year, at least E3 2011 will let us know what games we get to rock out with while the world falls down around our heads. It all starts on Monday, June 6 with conferences from Sony and Microsoft. Nintendo will rocks are socks off with their always entertaining, and usually bizarre, conference on Tuesday. Also don't forget the show itself. If you missed our previous E3 blogs here they are: E3 2011 Preview and A Wii Conversation. Now strap yourself down and bite into that mouth piece; the leather tastes so good. It’s time to take some E3!
Alex: Thanks for that Final Fantasy-esque intro. Before E3 launches and we leave to recharge the four crystals of light, let's do some more fancy conjecturin'. Since we've poked the Wii enough I figure it's time to discuss the other gaming platforms and what to expect from them, as well as what I would like to see.
MICROSOFT
I don't expect any real hardware announcements this year. MS has unofficially said that the next Xbox won't be out until 2013-2014, so I doubt there will be any info on it. That leaves plenty of room for games. Here's my prediction: there will be shooters. Yes, I am a great fortuneteller. Maybe MS could branch out a little. Before you say anything, no, Fable does not count. If I wanted that many bugs I'd stay at a sleazy motel off the freeway. Chances are if you have a 360 you've already purchased a Kinect or it has completely fallen off of your radar. As a person who fits in the latter category, I'd like to see some games for it outside of dancing, sports, or playing with animals. Perhaps they could make *GASP* real games for it. Unless MS is happy with a gimmicky Wii rip-off. In that case, I'll continue to forget it exists.
NINTENDO
The DS has been a rousing success. The 3DS? Not so much. . . (Here's why)
The answer? Well according to that poll Nintendo needs to drop the price and make games for it. It really seems that the 3DS was shoved out the door to try and capitalize on the 3D lust phenomenon. Guess what Nintendo, it's a game system. It needs games. So far almost everything available is a glorified tech demo (Pilotwings) or a remake/re-release (Street FIghter IV, Nintendogs). Where the hell is Mario? O.D.ing on mushrooms I guess. . .
SONY
As with the next Xbox, the PS4 won't be out for 2+ years. Copy and paste all the above comments about the Kinect down here for what Sony should do with the Move. The NGP/Vita (just call it the PSP2 dammit!) looks promising. I expect a big push from Sony in regards to the NGP. They haven't made a big deal over it yet but since it's due out this year, I expect some fanfare over it. The handheld looks nice, but it's got 3DS-itis as far as the launch games go. More installments of popular series are expected (Uncharted, CoD, FIFA, Wipeout) and quick money grabs in re-releases such as Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter IV(which probably has an STD from whoring itself out so much).
CONCLUSION
Since the Wii 2 and PSP2 will be the only console news, I expect the main focus of this E3 to be games. Pure and simple. If not, this will be a devastatingly bad E3. There's only a handful of games that are due out this year that I even care about, so if we don't get some good game news I'll be pretty disappointed.
Hobo Dan: You’re right; this year is totally about the games. Even with Nintendo bringing a new system to the show everyone wants to know what games it’s going to have. I’m much more interested in Wii 2's games than whatever crackpot new controller it will feature. Imagine Mario, Zelda, Metroid and the rest in full on HD. Imagine all of those characters in a new Smash Bros. game, in HD, fully playable online with voice chat, without tripping! Okay sorry, still having some spill over from last week. But seriously, nothing about Nintendo’s system intrigues me more than the games. Same goes for the other systems, especially knowing they won’t have any hardware announcements. Alex is right; I’m just not looking forward to very many currently announced games. Sure Gears of War 3 looks nice, but I’ll never buy it. The only difference between gears 1, 2 and 3 is the very, very, very weak story. I’ll just jump on a message board to find out what happens; oh wait, no I won’t, because I don’t care.
Speaking of stuff Microsoft over hypes; did you see that Mass Effect 3 is going to play better with kinect? I’m guessing it will be used in some sort of Alien sex scene. Seriously, how much better can a game like that play using motion recognition technology? Will I be able to flip through stat menus with my hand? Probably not, because Mass Effect 3 will be so watered down there will only be one menu screen anyway. That’s another question I have: What’s up with RPG’s getting reduced to their lowest common stat points? Skyrim’s new system will only have three attributes to put points into. Three! You can simplify an RPG all you want, but until it plays itself, you aren’t going to get grandma to buy it. Selling a solid million isn’t good enough anymore. So they push out a fast, watered down, pandering to the masses sequel that is more action/shooter than role playing. Oh, and for you all that think Bioware is going to save us all from World of Warcraft, don’t get too excited. The Old Republic may be set in the Star Wars universe, but it’s still looking like a WoW clone; only with better graphics and cut scenes we will get tired of way too quickly. RPG rant end.
Kinect, at least for me, came way too late (Sony’s Move too). The Xbox 360 is, at max, two years from being replaced. I’m not going to drop cash for an add-on I’ll never use. Besides, Xbox 3 will probably come prepackaged with an upgraded one that makes coffee and watches you poop. Okay it probably won’t make coffee… I'm hoping for some games out of nowhere that can get me excited for the next few years until the Xbox and PS3 die. Wait, am I talking about totally new IP's? Yes I'd like something new to play. What an idea. It seems like we know about all the games on the horizon. In some ways E3 has become useless. So if all this years E3 does is show us more of what we already know about, I'll be very disappointed. So don't make me sad E3, please.
Alex: Thanks for that Final Fantasy-esque intro. Before E3 launches and we leave to recharge the four crystals of light, let's do some more fancy conjecturin'. Since we've poked the Wii enough I figure it's time to discuss the other gaming platforms and what to expect from them, as well as what I would like to see.
MICROSOFT
I don't expect any real hardware announcements this year. MS has unofficially said that the next Xbox won't be out until 2013-2014, so I doubt there will be any info on it. That leaves plenty of room for games. Here's my prediction: there will be shooters. Yes, I am a great fortuneteller. Maybe MS could branch out a little. Before you say anything, no, Fable does not count. If I wanted that many bugs I'd stay at a sleazy motel off the freeway. Chances are if you have a 360 you've already purchased a Kinect or it has completely fallen off of your radar. As a person who fits in the latter category, I'd like to see some games for it outside of dancing, sports, or playing with animals. Perhaps they could make *GASP* real games for it. Unless MS is happy with a gimmicky Wii rip-off. In that case, I'll continue to forget it exists.
NINTENDO
The DS has been a rousing success. The 3DS? Not so much. . . (Here's why)
The answer? Well according to that poll Nintendo needs to drop the price and make games for it. It really seems that the 3DS was shoved out the door to try and capitalize on the 3D lust phenomenon. Guess what Nintendo, it's a game system. It needs games. So far almost everything available is a glorified tech demo (Pilotwings) or a remake/re-release (Street FIghter IV, Nintendogs). Where the hell is Mario? O.D.ing on mushrooms I guess. . .
SONY
As with the next Xbox, the PS4 won't be out for 2+ years. Copy and paste all the above comments about the Kinect down here for what Sony should do with the Move. The NGP/Vita (just call it the PSP2 dammit!) looks promising. I expect a big push from Sony in regards to the NGP. They haven't made a big deal over it yet but since it's due out this year, I expect some fanfare over it. The handheld looks nice, but it's got 3DS-itis as far as the launch games go. More installments of popular series are expected (Uncharted, CoD, FIFA, Wipeout) and quick money grabs in re-releases such as Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter IV(which probably has an STD from whoring itself out so much).
CONCLUSION
Since the Wii 2 and PSP2 will be the only console news, I expect the main focus of this E3 to be games. Pure and simple. If not, this will be a devastatingly bad E3. There's only a handful of games that are due out this year that I even care about, so if we don't get some good game news I'll be pretty disappointed.
Hobo Dan: You’re right; this year is totally about the games. Even with Nintendo bringing a new system to the show everyone wants to know what games it’s going to have. I’m much more interested in Wii 2's games than whatever crackpot new controller it will feature. Imagine Mario, Zelda, Metroid and the rest in full on HD. Imagine all of those characters in a new Smash Bros. game, in HD, fully playable online with voice chat, without tripping! Okay sorry, still having some spill over from last week. But seriously, nothing about Nintendo’s system intrigues me more than the games. Same goes for the other systems, especially knowing they won’t have any hardware announcements. Alex is right; I’m just not looking forward to very many currently announced games. Sure Gears of War 3 looks nice, but I’ll never buy it. The only difference between gears 1, 2 and 3 is the very, very, very weak story. I’ll just jump on a message board to find out what happens; oh wait, no I won’t, because I don’t care.
Speaking of stuff Microsoft over hypes; did you see that Mass Effect 3 is going to play better with kinect? I’m guessing it will be used in some sort of Alien sex scene. Seriously, how much better can a game like that play using motion recognition technology? Will I be able to flip through stat menus with my hand? Probably not, because Mass Effect 3 will be so watered down there will only be one menu screen anyway. That’s another question I have: What’s up with RPG’s getting reduced to their lowest common stat points? Skyrim’s new system will only have three attributes to put points into. Three! You can simplify an RPG all you want, but until it plays itself, you aren’t going to get grandma to buy it. Selling a solid million isn’t good enough anymore. So they push out a fast, watered down, pandering to the masses sequel that is more action/shooter than role playing. Oh, and for you all that think Bioware is going to save us all from World of Warcraft, don’t get too excited. The Old Republic may be set in the Star Wars universe, but it’s still looking like a WoW clone; only with better graphics and cut scenes we will get tired of way too quickly. RPG rant end.
Kinect, at least for me, came way too late (Sony’s Move too). The Xbox 360 is, at max, two years from being replaced. I’m not going to drop cash for an add-on I’ll never use. Besides, Xbox 3 will probably come prepackaged with an upgraded one that makes coffee and watches you poop. Okay it probably won’t make coffee… I'm hoping for some games out of nowhere that can get me excited for the next few years until the Xbox and PS3 die. Wait, am I talking about totally new IP's? Yes I'd like something new to play. What an idea. It seems like we know about all the games on the horizon. In some ways E3 has become useless. So if all this years E3 does is show us more of what we already know about, I'll be very disappointed. So don't make me sad E3, please.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Statesticles
So the internet is a weird place. Am I right? Everyone on the internet is an expert. Prove otherwise. I mean you can be one too. My wife is not a doctor, nor does she work in a health related field, but the internet has given her an MD in just about every medical study there is. Why go to the hospital anymore? If we could get a hold of some happy gas I’d let her remove my appendix tomorrow. Random appendix joke number 17: The appendix is kind of like an opinion, everyone has one, they are all completely useless and some people’s just need removed completely. I mean people on the net know everything there is to know. And if you don’t know it and want to find out there is no better way to do so then a web search. Somehow that gets me to the point, maybe.
Monday was a rather unusual day for this blog (yeah, yeah aren’t they all). I guess the combo of it being a holiday and I wrote about the most popular movie of the year (so far) on its opening weekend lead to an explosion of hits. From the time it posted at 6:00 AM Monday, to Tuesday morning, the blog got around one hundred hits. That is far and away the biggest one day this blog has ever seen. This makes me very happy, but I can’t help wondering what caused this. Lucky for me I have a whole stats page devoted to showing me where people are finding the blog. A majority comes from Facebook. Most of you know me personally and find the blog that way. There are also a few blog surfing sites that bring in some hits. The smallest number comes from Twitter, but I have reason to believe this number is bigger, but if you’re on a mobile device it does register a hit from Twitter itself. There is one other way to find the blog: Google search. If you Google the blog by name it will come up. The blog will also show up if you are searching for certain key words that Google happens to find in the blogs content. This phenomenon is what happened Monday. As you know I wrote about the Hangover 2. The very first sentences of that entry contained a penis joke. Here are a few Google searches that lead people to my blog on Monday:
hangover 2 penis
hangover 2 penises
the hangover 2 penis
"hangover 2" penises
hangover 2 penis scene
alot of penis in hangover2
hang over 2 a bad movie a penis movie
are there penis in hangover 2?
hangover 2 boobs
hangover 2 dick scene
hangover 2 penis shots
hangover 2 penis picture
hangover 2 reviews penis
how much penis is in hangover 2?
hangover 2 dick pic
dick pictures of hangover two
hangover 2 penis number
and my favorite: hangover 2 dump load
Are you as confused as I am? This is not the first time someone has stumbled onto this blog by way of strange Google search. A few months ago I went on a tirade and used some pretty obscure adjectives to describe my emotions. The entry was named Bescumber. I didn’t even use the word in the body of the blog, nor did I or will I, define it for you now. Go look yourself. Needless to say the day the post went up, I received a hit on the blog by an individual searching for “pictures of bescumber”. What does all this mean? Am I so crude a person that poo spray and penises is the best representation of my writing? Why did no one find the link to my blog because they searched for “Hangover 2 review”? Maybe it’s best I don’t know the answer.
Monday was a rather unusual day for this blog (yeah, yeah aren’t they all). I guess the combo of it being a holiday and I wrote about the most popular movie of the year (so far) on its opening weekend lead to an explosion of hits. From the time it posted at 6:00 AM Monday, to Tuesday morning, the blog got around one hundred hits. That is far and away the biggest one day this blog has ever seen. This makes me very happy, but I can’t help wondering what caused this. Lucky for me I have a whole stats page devoted to showing me where people are finding the blog. A majority comes from Facebook. Most of you know me personally and find the blog that way. There are also a few blog surfing sites that bring in some hits. The smallest number comes from Twitter, but I have reason to believe this number is bigger, but if you’re on a mobile device it does register a hit from Twitter itself. There is one other way to find the blog: Google search. If you Google the blog by name it will come up. The blog will also show up if you are searching for certain key words that Google happens to find in the blogs content. This phenomenon is what happened Monday. As you know I wrote about the Hangover 2. The very first sentences of that entry contained a penis joke. Here are a few Google searches that lead people to my blog on Monday:
hangover 2 penis
hangover 2 penises
the hangover 2 penis
"hangover 2" penises
hangover 2 penis scene
alot of penis in hangover2
hang over 2 a bad movie a penis movie
are there penis in hangover 2?
hangover 2 boobs
hangover 2 dick scene
hangover 2 penis shots
hangover 2 penis picture
hangover 2 reviews penis
how much penis is in hangover 2?
hangover 2 dick pic
dick pictures of hangover two
hangover 2 penis number
and my favorite: hangover 2 dump load
Are you as confused as I am? This is not the first time someone has stumbled onto this blog by way of strange Google search. A few months ago I went on a tirade and used some pretty obscure adjectives to describe my emotions. The entry was named Bescumber. I didn’t even use the word in the body of the blog, nor did I or will I, define it for you now. Go look yourself. Needless to say the day the post went up, I received a hit on the blog by an individual searching for “pictures of bescumber”. What does all this mean? Am I so crude a person that poo spray and penises is the best representation of my writing? Why did no one find the link to my blog because they searched for “Hangover 2 review”? Maybe it’s best I don’t know the answer.
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