Review: Ted

During Meltdown 2012, we escaped to a theatre with power to see Ted. We hoped an idiotic comedy could temporarily let us forget all about our lack of electricity. So in a special saturday post for our Dump readers, here are our thoughts:

Hobo Dan: There were some truly funny moments in Ted. Then there were some truly dull moments. It's like Seth MacFarlane (director) had no idea what he wanted the movie to be. At moments it was Family Guy in live action. Then it tried to be serious. I don't tune into Family Guy for serious and I didn't go see this for it either. Up and down is how I'd describe it. The highs were pretty high and some very good laughs. The lows never got so bad it made me hate the movie, but they sure slowed it down. I kept waiting (anticipating) for the moment when the movie just went insane and never returned. It never came. It just predictably went on about its business.

Thankfully there were far more laughs in Ted than shown in the trailers. I hate it when movies, particularly comedies, give you everything in the two minute preview. All the actors did well, although I didn't buy Marky Mark (Mark Wahlburg) and Mila Kunis as a couple. The best part of the film for me was Patrick Stewart's fantastic narrations at the beginning and end of the film. Yes I do have a man crush on Captain Picard. Problem?

A totally serviceable comedy. Not the greatest ever made, but certainly not the worst. Unless you really like Seth MacFarlane, I'd wait for Netflix

The Wife: I went into Ted fully prepared and expecting to see a dumb, meaningless, unintelligent comedy. Well, mission accomplished, because that is exactly what I got! Ted was pretty funny. However, it is no where near the level of The Hangover funny, or even Horrible Bosses for that matter. Like Hobo Dan mentioned above, at times it felt like I was just watching Family Guy in live action format with a fuzzy bear. Even Ted (the bear), sounded a bit too much like Peter Griffin. However, this complaint was made up for when Ted actually said something like "I don't sound like Peter Griffin!" Well done, Seth MacFarlane. Well done.

As for the plot of the movie, it was what I figured it would be — absolutely ridiculous and silly. What else do you expect from a film that features a foul mouthed teddy bear? The dirty jokes, innuendos and other idiotic funny moments really worked. However, at times the plot became scattered and all over the place. Towards the end, the tone actually turns a little too serious for a movie of this nature. I found myself actually getting sad. I didn't come to see Ted for drama! Fortunately the "emotional" scenes quickly turned so the audience could get the expected happy, yet amazingly dumb and funny ending.

Acting wise, I think Ted featured a pretty good cast. That being said, the romantic chemistry between Mila Kunis's character, Lori, and Mark Wahlburg's character, John, wasn't really there. I love both of these actors and find them to be great in other roles, but they weren't believable as a couple. Anytime there was a kiss scene of some sort Wahlburg looked uncomfortable. Both Kunis and Wahlburg were good in their roles as their individual characters, but as a couple, not so much. Like Hobo Dan, I too, LOVED the beginning and end narration of Captain Picard. I may start a nerd war, but Star Trek: The Next Generation is the BEST! Ryan Reynolds also has a very short, but hilarious part in the film, which was probably one of my favorite scenes in Ted. Oh man, I love Ryan Reynolds!

Overall, Ted was funny. That being said, I'd save this one for Netflix.

Be sure to check back on Monday as we take on The Amazing Spider-Man in our Movie Monday post! Also, in case you are wondering, our electricity returned on Wednesday. Hallelujah!

Two Years Later...

The time has come to memorialize a faithful old companion. Last week, the Wife said goodbye to her first car. Such a melancholy thing is life. At every end, a beginning. At every goodbye, a hello. We lament today for old red, sure a... what am I saying? Good riddance you POS! Burn, burn, burn...

But the old red car has one last story to tell. First lets review the ways you've tormented me; it has been awhile my old nemesis. Check the links for the full posts.

From The Mouse: Posted 5/4/2010

I am not an eye witness to the mouse. I didn't see the mouse. I will try to describe the beast using the details I took from my wife's rambling. The rodent, almost mythological in proportions, reached a massive length of over ONE INCH! That would make its fangs almost half a millimeter long. The demon creature has it out for my wife; she fears it will escape the car and enter the house in the night to murder her in cold mouse blood (kind of like how Mickey Mouse likes to sneak into Marvel Studios at night and rape Spider Man). The rain was still beating down when my wife demanded we stop so she can evade the evil mouse's advances. We soon came the the small gas station on our road and stopped under the cover. The wife leaped from the car and began to ramble on and on about the rodent and her hatred. At one point I think she slipped into tongues. Maybe the rat used its ESP to invade her mind. After a furious search, I found no sign of the mouse; at all.

From The Bad Friday: Posted 5/14/2010

To my disdain, the car which that clever little rodent chose to inhabit broke down only days after his arrival. It just stopped. Well as you can imagine, upon hearing this news, my lovely, caring, compassionate and all knowing wife made her expert opinion be known. That little vermin must have been the reason for the car's sudden reluctance to start. I reassured her this was probably not the case. For a week the car was in the shop. The verdict? A blown fuse going into the starter, probably blown by some sort of short in the wiring. How ever did this short come about? The mechanic suggests that a mouse very well could have caused such damage.

So she drives off to work. I go home to revel in the glory of a day off. Later, I receive a text from the wife letting me know that the car smells of dead mouse. This news brightens the day further. At least it's dead; now I just have to solve that problem. Soon I sit down for some relaxing video games; peace. It's right then, that she calls me. We have just pissing-down-a-hair-clogged-drain bad cell phone service at our house. I cannot believe I was able to hear what she said. "Car won't start. I'm at Krodel park." I'm not even mad. For a moment I just stand there, bent in some funny angle striving for the optimum cell service of one bar. "Sure." That's the best I can manage before leaving to pick her up.

From A Loss for Words: Posted 5/24/2010

I have off tomorrow what should I do? Well shit kids that's a rhetorical question. Tomorrow I have to take my wife's taint of a car to Huntington to the dealership to get worked on because the little POS still won't run. If the TV I bought last Christmas needed as much maintenance as the cars we own, I would not stand for it. Did you ever think of that? Break it down, most of the stuff we buy needs much less maintenance than our cars. Hell, I guarantee my wife and I use our TV more hours a day than our cars. I'm sorry I don't have to change the oil in my TV, or check the @$%#ing tire pressure! Car companies are you listening? no...

On a side note, the TV I am referring to in this post is, as of Winter 2012, also broken...

From Holeless Pillow: Posted 5/26/2010

Oh, the suck I have endured. I bitch a lot about the wife's car, so I'll only say, it still sucks. Hard. We've spent money and time on it, we are frustrated. Things are out of hand. The house is a mess. Clothes, they aren't washed. We had to use the remainder of the Disney Princess paper plates from her birthday party to eat dinner. We have no food at the house; none. We DO have a giant tower of pizza boxes.

The truck I am using to drive while her car is being worked on? Its breaks went out on me today! THE BREAKS WENT OUT! You realize I was driving when this happened? WTF!!???!!? I could have seriously wrecked. I am not making this up.

From The Tire: Posted 9/29/2010

It is in this vehicle of death; a car that begins seizures like shakes at 55 mph, I decided to leave the safety of home and set out upon the open road.

I think most of you have probably figured out what's next. So, instead of boring you to death (I hope no one has died yet) the next portion of this tale will be over blown and exaggerated for thematic effect. I was just driving along, minding my own business when out of no where my front driver side tire explodes in a violent rage. Shrapnel is sent flying in every direction. I am sent swerving across the road. I hit the edge of the road and flip fifteen times down the highway before landing again. At this point I was still traveling at well over fifty miles an hour! The car careens left and right and only my nerves of steel and great strength are able the pull the car under control and bring it to a stop. For any one who is really worried about it, all that really happened was the tire when flat for no reason and I had to pull over.

It was shortly after this last post that the old red car stopped. One day it just said no more. For the past two years it has lingered in my yard. As much as I enjoy being a rural stereotype, it needed to go. So recently I made the calls required to have the vehicle taken away. Before this happy event could occur, I had to take one last tour through the haunted halls of the old mouse coffin. It must be purged of our personal items. Here is what I found:

A muffin pan.
Numerous boy band CDs.
A Coldplay CD.
A Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band CD.
A Credence Clearwater Revival CD.
Lynard Skynard's Greatest Hits.
A quick vac full of small pebbles?
Dead bugs.
$5.37
Two years worth of newspapers.
Two umbrellas.
A plastic Easter bucket.
A screw driver; flat head.
Two pins.
Trash, lots of trash.
And...

A large mouse nest, hidden under the trunk where you keep the spare tire. And under that nest? The Mouse. Dead, of course. The now ancient burial mount of the mythical beast finally discovered. Could this evil talisman sitting parked outside our home for the last two years be the cause of all the car troubles? Let me remind you the trouble has not been limited to the red car alone:

From Rage Quit: Posted 2/19/2011

I quit. Cars that is, I quit them. What two face backstabber came up with that industry? “Here I’ll sell you this vehicle for a ton of money but I’ll see you again real soon when you starting having problems with it.” Awesome. I’m going to buy some horses. I’ll ride everywhere I need to go. If something isn’t in reasonable range of me and my horse, then I don’t really need to go there. But knowing my luck the horse would break a leg and I’d have to shoot the damned thing and make some glue, or dog food. Even then, at least it would be useful to me unlike cars which break down and become the eye sore of rural lower class America. I might as well scatter a few plastic flamingos and half naked children around the yard and throw a barbecue. I’ll buy some Bud Light and wear a cut off denim t-shirt with a Dale Jr. hat and cook up some road kill steaks; skunk is in season. Odin help us all.

Around about ten minutes from our destination, we hit a large bump in the road. I thought nothing of it and we went on for a minute or so, when I realized the bump caused us to flat. We later went back to discover the hole was actually a branch of the Grand Canyon; how did I not see it? So since July we've dealt with three flats now. Actually, my wife and I are now past three years of marriage heading to four and we are averaging two flat tires per year of marriage. It was also very dark outside. Before I got out of the car, my wife asked if I knew how to change a tire and I almost lost it. She later clarified that she meant if I knew how to change the tire on the new car. I shook my head and told her to make me a sandwich. Then I threw that damned donut on the new car and we rolled out to the Olive Garden. I mean, we were already there, may as well eat.

I purged the car of all this junk and burnt the mouse carcase and nest as sacrifice to please the angered car gods. Oh Ford, father of thine cars, forgive me of my sins. Cleanse me of this mousy stank. Accept this gift of mouse piss soaked newspaper, seat foam cushion and other unrecognizable items. Take the body of this deceased creature and leave me be!

Remember the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie? (yes Michael Bay that is their FULL name!) Remember when they all sat around the fire and meditated and Splinter appeared to them and they knew he was alive and they will find him? I am at peace now. The soul of the mouse appeared to me and spoke comfort. My debt is paid, he goes now to a better place. Maybe a BMW or Lexus.

Meltdown 2012!

Hobo Dan: So we planned to review Ted for you guys, then mother nature swung her giant ass up and around and took a huge old dump right on West Virginia, Ohio and most of the surrounding area. Power outages are everywhere. I have realized I am woefully unprepared for the end of days. What is it about these times that makes people lose their freaking minds? The heat maybe... Anyways, we are probably out of power till Thursday (if I am to believe the power company). I'm ruining my eyes and fingers typing this out on my phone for you because we left the computer at home. Oh by the way, today was supposed to be new cell phone day! Thanks a lot weather. Luckily we already have a Thursday blog queued up for you fortunate enough to have the electric sex.

We escaped to the in-laws for the time being, and the wife has settled down to watching a show called " Keeping Up With the Kardashians"? It is terrible. Seriously, why is this a TV show? Did I already die and this is my punishment? I kind of hope the power goes back out here so I don't have to watch it anymore. Ugh. Hey, keep safe, keep cool, and keep away from stray zombies...

The Wife: I always say things like "shopping is my favorite" or "napping is my favorite" for things I enjoy. Well due to the recent disaster that is this weekend, I will now proclaim electricity as my number one favorite of everything. Electric, please come back my lovely friend. If you do, I will never take you for granted again!

Well as Hobo Dan so eloquently described above, this weekend our area suffered a major storm. It all began Friday evening. We had plans to see Ted and write a review for all you fine Dump readers. I decided to take an epic after work nap (the best kind!) before we went on with our evening plans. Did I ever tell you when I'm really tired I can sleep through ANYTHING? Evidently this includes a horrendous thunderstorm and a TORNADO! Sure. Needless to say our plans were shot. We also had no food in our home. Terrific. Fortunately the Dollar General was the only store open in our area so Friday night was spent with a snack food picnic via candlelight. I should also take a moment to praise the iPad battery here. That thing allowed me to watch all of Step Brothers Friday evening and still had lots of battery remaining. I love technologyyyyyy, but not as much as you, you see...but I still love technology...always and forever!

Saturday our house turned into an oven and we baked and basically were miserable. Seriously no AC and temperatures above 100 do not equal a fun time! Fortunately my parent's home regained power so we quickly threw a bag together and have been staying there ever since. Oh blessed AC and electricity! I LOVE YOU! I was also able to even relax a little Sunday and catch up on episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. That show is pure art. HAHA! I don't care that it's silly, I enjoy it! Haters gonna hate, I guess!

In all seriousness, praise God we stayed safe through the storm and have a place to stay with power. We really miss our home but what can ya do? I just really hope this isn't the start of the zombie apocalypse like people are making it out to be! We will be on the zombie watch though!

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

The Return of the Blog: Avengers, MIB III & Prometheus

Just when you thought we might never return, we are back. This week’s Movie Monday, which featured the new Disney-Pixar movie, Brave, (click the link if you haven’t read our review yet!) hopefully marks the start of more consistent blogging. I know we promised to be more consistent months ago, but life happens. 2012 has just been a crazy year! I am sure our lack of blogs has left a giant hole in your lives, so let’s get started!

Starting off: Happy summer! Summer officially began on June 20. This really means nothing to us working folk though other than way too hot weather, lack of football and crappy television programs. On a positive note, the summer season does bring with it time to catch up with and get interested in “new” TV shows (meaning those we haven’t seen…duh!) thanks to the beauty that is Netflix. We also look forward to this summer’s Shark Week, which starts August 12, as well as the London Summer Olympics and the Tour de France! Summer time also comes with fun cookouts, trips and of course, new movie releases! We kind of feel bad that we didn’t get around to reviewing some of the top flicks that have already come out, but below we will list some brief thoughts on each!

The Avengers

The Wife: Love, love, LOVED this movie! I enjoyed it enough to catch it at the theatre twice. Following my second viewing, I realized how much I actually liked the film. After I saw it the first time, I felt slightly disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed it, but it was almost that post-Christmas letdown feeling. I had been anticipating this movie for so long and had such high expectations…and then it was just over. It took a second viewing for me to really notice how much I loved The Avengers. Once again, Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark stole the show. Oh how I love me some Tony Stark! I thought the cast all meshed well together and their chemistry was spot on. The movie was funny, action packed and the plot seemed cohesive and not scattered, which was something I was afraid could happen with this film. Joss Whedon did a great job directing (I still don’t drink from the Whedon fanboy Kool-Aid, but I give credit where credit is due)! I can’t go without mentioning the amazing EYE CANDY of this movie either. Ladies, even if you aren’t on the super hero bandwagon, watch this! I will say that I don’t think The Avengers out did the Marvel movies that preceded it. I still think that both Iron Mans and Captain American standout as better overall movies. However, The Avengers is one of the top if not the best movie of 2012 so far (I do expect The Dark Knight Rises to upstage The Avengers, but you never know)!

Hobo Dan: I was pretty nervous this would turn into a disaster. It ended up being pretty good. I don’t think it’s better than the Iron Mans, but it is solid. It sets a new standard for action movies. It seemed like the whole movie was one large ongoing action scene. Sometimes this was good and other times not so much. The director, Joss Whedon does a great job of managing the absurd amount of personalities. It’s not perfect, however. Either by choice or by sheer star power, Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark (AKA Iron Man) seemed to stand out among the rest of the Avengers. Also, Hawkeye, played by The Hurt Locker vet Jeremy Renner seemed a little forgotten. Needless to say, I am amazed this movie worked at all. Combining all these actors and all these iconic characters should have ended up like Batman and Robin. It didn’t reach the bar set by The Dark Knight (but who expected it too), but was still a solid film that has me excited to see what Marvel does with the Avengers next.

Men in Black III

The Wife: Here come the Men in Black, the galaxy defenders! Ahhh Men in Black, an old favorite. Despite the second one being rather blah, I was not about to pass up the third installment to an old favorite childhood series. It’s amazing what having zero expectations can do for a movie experience. I went into the theatre prior to seeing Men in Black and didn’t know what to think. I knew it would be cheesy, but it is that cheese that made the original Men in Black as well as other top 90s flicks so great. Needless to say, I really enjoyed Men in Black III! It was simply FUN. Sometimes that’s all you need from a movie. Will Smith was, well Will Smith, which to me, seldom disappoints. I mean, I love that guy! Tommy Lee Jones was funny, and MAJOR KUDOS must be given to Josh Brolin! At times I thought that Brolin really was Tommy Lee Jones! Man that guy can act! Was Men in Black III cheesy? Sure. Was it not as good as the original? Yes. However, it was simply entertaining and I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed it! I am a sucker for nostalgia, and this flick really took me back!

Hobo Dan: A sharp pain ran through my abdomen when I heard they were making a third MIB. I loved the first one. I hated the second one. I figured that was enough. Apparently not. Thankfully this was not a soaking wet turd on the side of the road. While not better, or even close to the original, Men in Black III redeems the franchise from a terrible second outing. Will Smith played himself, as always. Tommy Lee Jones is consistently great. The surprise for me was Josh Brolin’s performance as a young Tommy Lee Jones. He was spot on and a true bright spot in the film. There were times when I seriously thought they had dubbed over his voice with Jones. The plot was weak, but the star power of Smith and Jones, combined with Brolin’s acting skills (maybe even star power?) made the movie out perform my expectations.

Prometheus

The Wife: Having only seen the original Alien, I wasn’t super excited for Prometheus, but I still looked forward to it simply because I enjoy going to the movie theatre and the trailer looked promising. I am also not a tremendous fan of Alien. It’s not that I hate the movie; it’s just that it really isn’t my cup of tea. As Prometheus is a prequel, I figured it was ok for me to see this without having watched the Alien sequels. I though Prometheus was pretty good. It provided me with an evening of solid entertainment. I often found myself at the edge of my seat during the movie. Acting-wise it was decent. However, guy who plays Trey from The O.C. just came off as, well Trey from The O.C. to me! When his character got sprayed with the fire all I could hear in my head was the infamous “Mmmm What Ya Sayyyyy” song that played when Marissa shot Trey in the season two finale of The O.C. That epic scene would later be spoofed in SNL’s Dear Sister sketch. Ahhh memories! I really miss The O.C. Ok; I’ve veered off topic, so back to Prometheus. It was good and if you are a fan of the Alien franchise, then I would certainly recommend it!

Hobo Dan: LOUD NOISES! That is all I could think about watching the trailers for this movie. A prequel for the Alien movies directed by the original director of Alien (Ridley Scott); cautious optimism? The word prequel still gives me Episode I flashbacks where I'm sitting in a far away jungle contemplating the meaning of it all. I sit with very mixed feeling about this movie. It was enjoyable, don’t get me wrong. However, I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t criticize its use of “Cheap Scares”. If you go looking for the Alien franchise, you’re going to be disappointed. Sure there are things that harken back (or forward?) to the original films, but the tone here is different. Prometheus is a much deeper experience compared to Alien. It asks questions about the very meaning of life. I enjoyed it; the acting was great for the most part (minus Logan Marshall-Green stuck in character as Trey from The O.C.). I guess I just expected more. It kind of just ended without any real resolution. Sure it’s a prequel, so it is technically just the beginning, but it feels so different from the other Alien films. I was looking for a more complete package.

So there you have it, our thoughts on this summer’s bigger movies. Movie Monday posts should become regular staple once again as we plan to see several upcoming films (YAY for Dark Knight Rises!). We also have some Best Picture Project posts planned for future Mondays. To semi-quote The Terminator, “we’ll be back!”

Review: Brave

After a semi-long hiatus we are back with a movie review of the latest Disney-Pixar creation, “Brave.” We know we have missed out on several awesome movie reviews, but don’t fret because Thursday’s post will fulfill your Dump fix on all of those blockbusters we missed (Avengers, Men in Black III and Prometheus). An update of what we’ve been up to during our MIA time will be provided as well. We know you all have been holding your breath with anticipation for our return! But for now, it’s all about BRAVE!!!

The Wife: Once again Pixar shows that it OWNS with Brave. Along with looking incredible, Brave produced a different twist compared to your traditional princess tales. With its strong female character, Scottish Princess Merida, Brave also offers an exciting, humorous plot that both children and adults can enjoy. In addition, the film’s soundtrack is awesome and really completes the overall feel and tone of the movie.

Brave tells the story of Princess Merida, who is trying to change her fate. Stuck in the tradition of having to marry a pre-selected suitor, Merida finds herself unhappy with her future and is more determined than ever to change it. Her mother, while loving, has seemingly controlled Merida for years as she has worked to shape her daughter into becoming a suitable future queen. Merida and her mother disagree on many things. For example, her mother often seems to disapprove of Merida ’s “not so lady-like” activities, such as her love of archery. (Seriously with Katniss from The Hunger Games and now Merida from Brave it seems like archery is the new “cool thing” for a strong female to do!) Like many mother-daughter relationships, the two do not always see eye to eye, but it is evident from the film’s start that there is a deep love and bond between them.

As she is forced to choose a suitor, Merida finds her castle in chaos and decides she has had enough of her “determined” future and sets out to change her fate. Of course, she meets a witch in the woods, and if we have learned anything from fairytales, it is to never trust the creepy old witch in the woods! With the witch’s help, Merida concocts a spell to change her mother, which will in-turn, change her fate! However, surprise surprise things don’t go as planned. Her mother does in fact “change.” She changes so much that she becomes a BEAR! I, for one, did not see this coming in the story! For the most part her mother’s personality does stay in tact while she is in bear form, however, the spell will become permanent if Merida doesn’t figure out how to reverse it. To help save her mother, Merida must, of course, be brave. While her “mama bear” is an inconvenience, it brings the mother-daughter team closer than ever before as they work together to change both their fates.

Overall, I really enjoyed Brave. It isn’t the best Pixar film, but it has some tough competition being compared to the likes of Toy Story (one of my favorite trilogies of all time). It did exceed my expectations, however. I loved the strong-willed character of Merida , and it is refreshing to have a princess tale that doesn’t need a prince to save the day. Instead of romantic love, Brave teaches us the strong bond and love of family. While I am a Disney-Pixar fanatic and may be a little biased, I would still encourage everyone to see this wonderful film!

Hobo Dan: Sons of Scotland! You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight? Aye, fight and you may die, run and you'll live. At least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our FREEDOM! Oh... wrong Scotland movie. I can’t believe the Wife got all the way through her review without doing that!

Brave was good, but not great. I guess I have just come to expect more from Pixar with the likes of Toy Story and Finding Nemo. Now don't get me wrong, there were things in the film that blew me away. Hair, for instance. The hair in the movie looks incredibly real. Also, the soundtrack is out of this world amazing. I guess the main thing that got me about the story was that there really wasn't an evil force. Sure, there was that giant bear, but it was more of a climatic set piece than a true nemesis. The true struggle of the film came from within, and while I will never knock a good introspective story, the way things worked out seemed just a little contrived. However, it is still a quality, enjoyable film.

The film was appropriately dedicated to the late Steve Jobs.