Monday, March 19, 2012

Spring 2012 Movie Preview

So I realize March is almost over, and this is very late. Oh, well. In Spring movie preview I generally cover films releasing in March, April and May. Well nothing good really came out this month so far anyways. As usual I have three anticipation levels for the new releases on the schedule: see it in theaters, wait for netflix and never see this movie, ever, even if threatened with physical, mental and/or emotional harm. And don't forget option four (the Wife is making me see it).

The Hunger Games, March 23
I've been keeping myself in the dark on this one. The Wife just read the books and has been busting at the seams to tell me about them, which makes my info embargo all the more worth while. I get the basic idea from the trailers and that's all I care to go on. It looks interesting enough for me to recommend putting down some cash for tickets at the theater. We will have the full review next Monday, full of the Wife's fangirl raving, in case you were wondering.

Wrath of the Titans, March 30
Sadly this movie will be terrible. It sure looks pretty. Every time I see the trailer I want to see it and I want it to be good. I know it won't be. It is further tarnished by it shameless flaunting of 3D effects. Seriously, is the 3D fade still ongoing? Thanks a lot Avatar, or should I call you Pocahontas/Smurf/Fern Gully on crack rip off? I'll wait until it's on Netflix. Check that, I'll wait till Netflix streaming (never).

Titanic 3D, April 4

American Reunion, April 6
Another one? Unfortunately for me, The Wife's birthday is in April. With a choice between this and Titanic 3D, I'll choose secret option three (death).

The Raven, April 27
Hey, I like John Cusack as much as the next guy, but this looks awful. They are turning Edgar Allen Poe into the hero of a murder mystery? Here is how that would really go down, Detective: "Hey Edgar, you want to help us solve this murder?" Edgar: "No, I'm just going to have a few more drinks and then go lay down in the ditch. Thanks though!" Ugh.

The Avengers, May 4
This could be so good it smashes out our ear drums, gives us cataracts and removes our ability to enjoy any form of entertainment less awesome that it, or so bad it smashes out our ear drums, gives us cataracts and removes our ability to enjoy any form of entertainment because we have lost our souls. Either way I'll be first in line at the theater wearing my Captain America shirt.

Battleship, May 18
Yep, it's a board game and now a movie. Only a movie with 100% more aliens and explosions and super manly men doing awesome manly stuff on ships. Seamen, if you will. What's next completely-out-of-ideas Hollywood? Risk, Chess, Checkers, Uno, Monopoly, Key to the Kingdom? Okay, that last one I'd go see. In short, I'll eat my new Bear Grylls Ultimate Survival knife before seeing this movie, and it's a big knife.

Men In Black 3, May 25
The first one was awesome,
the second one was not,
the third one is unnecessary,
so see it I will not.
Sad Face.


  1. You left out Lockout, April 13.

    Escape From New York in space? Starring Guy Pearce? Yes please.

  2. Wow, I did not know this exsited. It was a good time in my life...

  3. I am also taking the Old Man's route of seeing The Hunger Games with barely a notion of the plot before reading the books. I enjoyed Percy Jackson much more that way!

    I will see Wrath in theaters, I'm a sucker, I know.

    Garrett's pumped for American Reunion but no thanks.

    I'm willing to give Cusack's The Raven a chance.

    The Avengers, fo sho.

    Battleship, barf, even though I love Liam Neeson. Same with Titanic 3D, wtf. Only if they change the ending where Jack pulls Rose into the water as well right before another ship saves the entire group. Thus, they are the only 2 dead making me happy.

    MIB3, perhaps bc I love Brolin but his last hero movie Jonah Hex was a turd.

    I'm a little disappointed you failed to mention the weekend of 3 Stooges, Cabin in the Woods, and Lockout. I would appreciated your take on any of those 3. I hate you.

    And lastly, your thoughts on the potential of Dark Shadows? Has the Depp/Burton combo run its course by this point? Johnny is beginning to disappoint me.

    1. What the ginger said, Why u no mention Cabin in the Woods?! #jossfangirl

    2. I know I'm about to start a nerd war, but: I will never understand the crazy love of Joss Whedon. Buffy? Really? Firefly was okay I guess. Just because you like him doesn't mean everything he does is great. Cabin in the Woods looks like an average horror movie. I dislike average horror movies.

      Corey: I hate you too man. Oh and the Three Stooges movie will suck. Lockout? I just heard of this today as per my comment above...

      Suck it.

    3. I didn't say that everything he's ever done is great, so stop making assumptions.

      What you call "average" I am more than willing to take a second look at. Why? Because Joss has time and again given us crazy plot twists, killed off beloved characters and written some really well developed characters with great dialogue. Those seem like things that would translate well into a horror flick (since frankly the genre itself has been SEVERELY lacking for years now). Will his style translate well into the horror genre? No clue but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

      (My favourite entry in the Whedonverse is Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog... did you and the wife ever get around to watching it? Probably not your cup of tea, but you must admit, an evil super villain certainly would make musical theater more engaging... unless of course it's the Spiderman musical... *shudder*)

  4. American Reunion will be epic. You can't comment on disliking it considering the fact that you have never even seen a single American Pie movie! Also, Titanic 3D is a go! We will see Men in Black just because. The Cabin whatever movie that has Thor in it looks rather blah, but those films always seem silly to me. Yes, American Reunion is silly but I prefer that type of silly. I like crude and rude humor. I like much of Joss' work, but I do have to agree that some "super fans" wouldn't be giving that movie a second look if his name wasn't attached to it. Oh come the men in blackkkkkkkk!