Thursday, April 28, 2011

Everyday Things

I just realized I have somewhere around three shirts. Go ahead and check the facebook; those of you unfortunate enough to be my friend. Yeah, done? And? that's what I thought; in all my pictures I'm wearing the same small number of shirts. I think this means the end is near. Maybe 2012 is really going to happen! Does anyone want to meet up and plan out what cliff to jump off of just before the end? I'll bring the kool aide! You know, if we jump at just the right moment the aliens or robots or Mothman or Han Solo or George S. Patton or who ever will swoop down to save us. Or it's all a bunch of bull shit and we just fall to our deaths. Either way we won't have to get up the next day and go to work. I could also just need some more shirts. Christmas ideas everybody!

I’m sure all of you know someone like me. Some freak like me. I’m not complicated. Your first mistake would be over thinking me. I’m a man of simple requests. For instance, often I like to enjoy a hamburger; plain. So what does plain mean? I’m pretty sure the Dictionary of Modern American Foods describes it as and I quote “meat and fucking bun!” Now I worked at a fast food establishment for nine months after college. I know the customer is not always right. But damn it to hell, how hard is it to make a plain hamburger? “Okay, I have this bun, now I need this piece of meat. Okay, now wrap it up. Done, oh that was simple!” Yeah you’d think so. I mean really, what could a customer ask for that is any easier than a plain sandwich? Oh, and while I’m on the topic, when I ask for that plain hamburger, the word plain implies NO CHEESE. So after I order you don’t have to ask me if I’d like cheese. I mean why did you even bother to take my order if you weren’t going to pay attention to the words coming out of my huge flapping lips? And no, I would not like to try an oatmeal, burrito, green milkshake or what ever else you burger joints are pushing these days. If I want those things, I’ll go to a restaurant that specializes in that item or make it at home. I just want a hamburger from you people. Plain and simple.

I guess it is the fate of us all to suffer and rot under such ridiculous and mundane circumstances.

On a more joyous note, the Wife will be running her very first half Marathon this Sunday, May 1 in Cincinnati, Ohio at the Flying Pig Half Marathon. That's 13.1 miles for you uneducated in the ways of running. There is a way to track her progress via text message using the chips in her shoes. If you're interested let me know and I'll get you that info. Be aware the race starts at 6:30 AM so if you sign up you'll get some very early texts! Also, we both have sore throats, please pray they don't turn into anything more. The Wife will provide you with a full write up of the run and the weekend as a whole next Thursday, so YAY for scheduled programing! Peace be with you all, accept for that dumb ass that messed up my burger, you have a terrible weekend ass hole.

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